Archive for the 'Stalin' Category

Gagging for Stalin

I am proud to report that I am not the only woman on the planet with a maniacal crush on Stalin.

It turns out that stand-up comedian Lucy Porter shares my penchant for the Russian control freak, which either makes me look slightly less derranged or means both Lucy and I need to sort out our taste in men.

 In this week’s Time Out London Lucy has been interviewed by Tim Arthur to promote her new show, ‘Lucy Porter’s Love In’, at the Arts Theatre tonight, where she will be discussing her ‘tragic love life’ which she attributes to ‘accidentally fancying Stalin and having an imaginary dog’.

As a fellow accidental Stalin fancier I must interject that on the whole my own love life has fortunately not been particularly tragic(except maybe on a couple of occasions), so maybe I should get in touch with Lucy and explain that it must be the imaginary dog.

 I actually went to see Lucy Porter doing stand-up once in this joint in St. Martin’s Lane in Covent Garden. I think it was my second anniversary with my current Boyf and we had a great laugh… Sometime during the set I left to go to the toilet and found that on my return the whole audience had turned around to stare at me, as the Boyf had dared to heckle her in my absence. From that moment onwards Lucy showed no mercy on my uppety partner-in-crime, whose slimline metrosexual frame, cherubic Botticcelli curly locks and long fan of eyelashes were an obvious target for taunts on his virility. The result was, of course, that I laughed so hard my sides almost split for the entire evening. She also said I was very pretty 🙂 which definitely makes her GREAT in my books. Especially as the front row was occupied by a gaggle of dancers from neighbouring Stringfellow’s- Lovely girls, but I really didn’t want the boyf to suggest we made a visit on our anniversary!

Anyhow, back to our lovely Joseph. Here’s a painting of him for you to feast your greedy eyes upon. Yum.

stalin-painting.jpg

Dead Sexy

This afternoon a good friend of mine invited me to join a facebook group in honour of some really hot people who have crossed the great divide, and I found myself inexplicably drawn to one of the men in the pictures. There was something in his gaze that made me feel all warm and gooey inside. Something hot.

This is the picture:

 stalin.jpg

Do you know who this hunk is?

Yes, that’s right, it’s JOSEPH FUCKING STALIN!

 Do you think he would be the dominant type in bed too?

OH MY GOSH I HAVE A CRUSH ON AN EVIL DICTATOR!

How did I overlook the fact he was so hot through all my years poring over dusty history books at school? How can a single photograph like this make me want to explain away years of political oppression and genocide? Am I sick in the head?

He is so hot though. As someone eloquently put it, he can oppress my Kulaks anyday.

Here are some other deceased historical hotties for your viewing pleasure:

 karl-marx.jpg

This one above is the illustrious Karl Marx. What a fitty. Look at the idealistic sparkle in his eyes. Don’t you just want to get him all caught up in revolutions under your duvet? It is more socially acceptable to have a crush on Marx, and he would possibly make a more considerate lover than Stalin.

 rossetti.jpg

Now, this Carl Barat lookalike here is the very talented Dante Gabriel Rossetti. He is the more metrosexual of my selection, but looking into the boundless ocean of his eyes one might feel like one has been transported into the idylic, romantic world of a Pre-Raphaelite painting.

Still, I can’t get Joe Stallion (oops, I mean Stalin!)out of my head. What a dangerous man.