Archive for September, 2008

The Chicken and the Eiger

So Gordon Brown decided to pull out a particularly shiny trumpcard this week. A vain attempt to rescue his ever waning popularity while the rest of us have to re-use our teabags in order to pay the gas bill? Clearly. But I wanted to hug him when I heard that he plans to introduce State funded childcare for two-year-olds.

 

Evidently, the likelihood of this measure being implemented before my own two-year-old son is in school is nil, but as a young mother desperate to return to work I have to applaud our rotund, unpopular Prime Minister.

 

I returned to University last year to finish my degree, when my son was fourteen months old. I could only afford(‘afford’ here is an euphemism for ‘I nearly died’) to put him in childcare for the days when I was actually in lectures, which meant that the time I had to read the sheer material required for a BA in English Language and Literature, as well as writing lengthy essays, was seriously compromised.

 

And now I find myself, at 25, with some office experience and a fresh degree in the bag, eager to grab a career by the horns and regain control of my life. Except for one *small* detail…

 

To send my son to my local nursery, where I feel confident that he will be cared for with genuine commitment and affection, will cost me a whopping GBP 938,00 per month, full time.

 

Now consider that I will be getting myself an entry level job in the media. I will NOT whore myself out for less than 20k, which limits the amount of positions somewhat. So, let’s say I’ll be earning approximately 1.2k a month after tax. After nursery fees, that leaves me TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO POUNDS A MONTH TO PLAY WITH!!!!!!!!

 

YOU WOULD THINK THIS IS SOME SICK FUCKING JOKE, WOULDN’T YOU?

Add to the considerations that I, as well as working for a pittance, will be putting myself through the heartwrenching decision of letting someone else look after my son for 70% of his waking hours. Add travel and food and I am torturing myself and my family to be 100 pounds better off a month.

 

 

When I look at it like this, I just want to say ‘FUCK THAT!’, but I am actually going to do this, in the hope that one day I will earn a lot more. But is it any wonder why single mums around the country remain on benefits? Too bloody right. It makes me sick with anger to know that there are millions of women in the same position as I am today.

 

 I hope Mr. Brown can fantasize about what good it might do to our desperate, swooning economy to encourage us professional housegirlfriends and wives back into the workforce. Grrrrrrrrrrr!

Dreaming a Little Dream

Every now and then I’ll daydream that I am an international rock star and supermodel and I am being interviewed by someone for a magazine. In my head, the interview will go something like this:

GLOSSYMAG: So, Professional Housegirlfriend, clearly we all cannot get enough of your rocking new album, but you look even better in the flesh. What is the secret to a physique like yours?

… and I’ll reply something like…

PROFHOUSE: Ah, you know, I eat what I want, when I want and never put on any weight, but I guess I just make sure I get plenty of sex. It’s the best kind of exercise. I enjoy cooking in the nude.

GLOSSYMAG: But your skin, it looks so radiant! It glows with such gorgeous natural lustre! What products do you use?

PROFHOUSE: Oh wow, thanks! I don’t wear any make up. I get tonnes of stuff through the post from all these beauty PR companies but I give it all away. I like the natural look, you know? I’ll let you in on my little secret, though.  I never leave the house without having had an orgasm…

 

… and then the kettle will boil, or the door bell will ring and I’ll snap out of my reverie, like someone just slapped me round the face.

Reality sucks.

The Apple of his Eye.

The phone rang. The voice inside the receiver sounded thin. It wasn’t who he had hoped it would be. ‘Hello Sir? There’s been a bit of a misunderstanding.‘ He looked up, out of the window, at the apple of his eye, swinging on the branch against the grey. He had watched that apple intently since it had been a pale blossom when the tree decided to break the banks of its wintry inertia. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on edge from the din of the branches screeching against the glass. He turned his head to the left, tilted his pupils to the right. ‘I am afraid so, Sir.’  The apple’s entire existence, from beginning to end, was a mere trajectory of decay, and still it glistened in the moisture. He was also past his best, and the weather certainly didn’t help.

Dancing with the Dark Knight

Last night I had the pleasure of going to the cinema for the first time since I was eight months pregnant, which makes it… uh… 2 years and three months without jelly sweets and popcorn.

 

A funny thing happened when I gave birth, and that is that I became a total wimp. Previously a horror movie fanatic who knew every line to ‘The Shining’, I suddenly developed an aversion to anything even mildly thrilling.

 

I think it was a consequence of hardly being able to balance my enormous womb and suddenly having to be one of those slow-walkers who clog the pavements of London on a daily basis. I felt like an old lady, stiff and frail. Then my son was born and he was this outworldly, tiny little creature, and the world outside the confines of my living room just seemed bigger and badder in comparison.

 

I suddenly developed about a million phobias; I was afraid of crossing the road, of being in a car, of flying, of drinking, of watching the news or disturbing films. And I was the queen of disturbing films! The more fucked up the film, the more I enjoyed it.

 

Fortunately, as I eased into motherhood, the crippling fear I felt started to ease, but I am ashamed to confess that as I sank into my dark seat and stared at the big screen I found myself feeling aprehensive as to whether I could sit through a film with a 12A classification. What had become of me?! I shifted nervously in my padded chair and waited for the movie to start.

 

Now, as soon as Christian Bale appeared on the screen I remembered how much I enjoyed the last Batman  movie. He is definitely the coolest Batman, like, ever. Cor, I wouldn’t even mind being his Robin if the chance ever befell me. What a hottie too. My anxiety suddenly vanished and my greedy eyes got ready for more. I wasn’t entirely convinced at first that Heath Ledger’s performance hadn’t been overhyped in the wake of his death, but as the film unfolded it became clear that the rumours were true, and his Joker was sicker, more psychotic and sinister than any of his predecessors. And he was still hot, even under all that make up. Why oh why do fit men die?

 

Now, much as I loved it, there was an annoying (if brief, compared to other superhero movies) ‘damsel-in-distress’ moment. C’mon people, isn’t it time to cut down on these cliches? Is this not the 21st Century? And why is Maggie Gillenhall the only female to have more than 3 lines in the whole thing?

 

Anyway, I DEFINITELY want a batmobile. Hell yeah. The best part of the film for me was when the batmobile is basically completely ruined after driving through a billion explosions and Brucey Batty is expelled on the sickest, most poisoned motorbike ever.

 

I wish he’d taken me for a ride.

I need one of these.

In fact, what I really need is one for my laptop. Being drunk at home within easy reach of facebook and msn is terrible for your mental health and for the cohesion of your social network.

 

 Once, pissed off my face on msn, I told a friend to meet me on the South Bank at 3pm on the following day, to which she unsuspectingly agreed from the other side of her computer screen. I got a call from her just as I ploughed my hungover way through a bacon and egg roll, with no recollection of ever having made any arrangements.

 

 Fortunately she has since forgiven my misdemeanour, but through this anecdote you can begin to gauge the potential danger of combining alcohol and internet access. You might make plans you will not keep to, you might confess your undying love for the cheeky girls’ last single, your pink balloon fetish, or the fact you are suffering from the unpleasant combination of a yeast infection and piles(I mean YOU, not me). In the safety of your home, reaching out to your hot work colleague with inhibitions cast aside and a stomach full of tequila is just too easy. Drink responsibly. DO NOT TURN YOUR COMPUTER ON. DO NOT ‘POKE’ ANYONE AFTER YOUR FOURTH GLASS OF WINE.

 

C’mon, someone has got to be able to patent a model soon?

 

 

Oh, the cartoon. I found it here.

Another blimming Monday.

I woke up in shock and horror this morning when a beam of light peeked through my thick blue curtains. ‘What on Earth is that?!!!!!!’ . Yes ladies and gents, it was sunshine. Really.  It’s been so long since I’ve seen any that I practically forgot what it looks like, almost like when you try to remember a dream but all you can retrieve from your brain is a faded image.  Do not panic, though, there really is no chance of me parading around in shorts, beaming a toothy smile, because the bloody clouds made it their priority to blanket the entire sky, way way past the horizon. AGAIN. Oh yeah, and did I tell you? It’s going to rain. AGAIN.

 

If only the London Underground was that bloody efficient.

More on the Vila Mimosa

Yo y’all.

I found another blog with a very entertaining entry on the Vila Mimosa, by a Carioca guy who goes to visit the place. Needless to say, his approach is much more lighthearted than mine, but I am the first to admit that I am sure there is a lot of fun being had in there, despite it being a shockingly fucked up place. There is no denying the Vila’s pull as a freak sideshow attraction, which in fact was probably the main reason I ended up there.  ;-) Pretending there isn’t that side to it is futile and presents an unbalanced view. I also do not believe that it is necessarily helpful to envelop everything in a cotton wool wrap of political correctness. Above anything else, that would be decidedly un-Brazilian of me.

 

His page is in Portuguese and you can find it HERE.

 

I have also found another website, with more of a social conscience… Written by three women, perhaps unsurprisingly, and also in Portuguese… You can read it HERE.

And I have shamelessly stolen some photographs from there to illustrate this blog, but, as I have credited them, I hope you will refrain from casting the first stone.

 

 Now, to my enormous surprise, I have discovered that I am fast becoming an internet authority on the subject of the Vila Mimosa: I googled ‘Vila Mimosa’ and my blog was one of the top entries! Well, there you go. If you’re reading it here, you got it from the horse’s mouth.  Lucky you.

 

Revisiting the Rua Ceara

When I went home to Rio de Janeiro this May to visit my family and friends, my mind was fizzing with a plan to visit the Vila Mimosa once more. I was hoping that I might be able to pay a few of the girls to answer a few questions, and had spent some time thinking about what type of question these should be. Something inside me made me want to steer clear of the glaringly obvious, and avoid asking questions such as ‘How many men do you see every day?’, ‘What’s the dirtiest thing anyone ever asked you to do?’ etc., because my strongest feeling after visiting back in 2004 was that the mechanical performance of the act of prostitution necessarily concealed the people underneath. I feel that by making that sort of enquiry I would just be adding to the car crash voyeurism surrounding anything marginal, whereas I would prefer to get to know more about the people. I am not sure that I ever arrived at the right calibre of questioning but I was more intent on asking things that were completely unrelated to ‘the profession’, such as ‘Who do you admire and why?’, ‘What is your favourite food?’, ’If you had only one day to live, what would you do?’. It all might seem a bit naive but that is precisely the point.

 

But I knew that there was a lot I could unearth before even going to the Vila, just by asking (men) in general chit-chat. A friend of a friend had recently joined the motorcycling club ‘Abutres’(not dissimilar from the Hell’s Angels although I am sure if any serious biker reads this I will be in hot water!!!!) and was undergoing his initiation, something which seemed to involve submitting himself to enormous amounts of abuse from the other members until he was ‘promoted’ to the next stage of membership. He told me that the club’s meeting place was by the Vila and that very often they would pay girls to come to their parties and strip and some of the members would go ‘the extra mile’. He claims that he never saw a single woman he would pay ten Reais(around GPB 3.50) to have sex with in all the times he ever visited the Vila, but that his friends often related having seen attractive girls in there. He told me he heard that an old acquaintance of his had recently been diagnosed with HIV and that the word on the street was that he had contracted it in the Vila, but that he was convinced this could not be true as all the girls in there used condoms at all times. He said that you could often see the girls disposing of the ‘used goods’ and handing over little packets to incoming customers. Unfortunately I could not spend more time discussing it all with him, because I am certain that there were plenty of details which he would have ommitted in polite company. Like every man I have ever spoken to on the subject, he maintains that he has never and would never pay for sex in the Vila Mimosa, but that it was a fun place to visit and drink the night away(if you are a guy, that is, because all I ever heard about it is that ‘it is no place for a girl like you to be in’).

 

 

My disclosure of my plans to revisit the Vila was met with mixed reactions. My best friend, who accompanied me on the last visit, was as excited as I was, whereas most of the guys I mentioned it to were concerned, incredulous and discouraging. Others gave me the ‘thumbs up’ so long as I made sure I dressed plainly and was accompanied by a good group of tough-looking male friends. My own feelings about the trip kept oscillating between my aforementioned excitement and icy cold feet, but I went ahead with my arrangements anyway. On a Wednesday afternoon I dropped off my Boyf and baby at the airport, with plans of going out with some friends that evening. We were to start at the Vila Mimosa and then move on to Lapa and Baixo Santa Teresa. I hailed a taxi from departures to kill the rest of the day at Posto 9 on Ipanema Beach, when my friend called me and I tried to convince her to come with me. Our conversation got quite agitated, and then I hung up.

The cabby looked at me through the rearview mirror.

‘Are you from Sao Paulo?’

‘No, actually, I’m from Rio.’

‘You seem to lead a very busy life.’

‘I guess…’ (Hmmm… Where is he going with this?)

‘Doing anything fun tonight?’

‘Uhhh yeah, I’m going out with some friends, y’know?’

‘Oh really? Going anywhere nice?’ (Hmmm… I see where he’s going with this…)

‘Yeah, I’m going to Baixo Santa, and Lapa, and I might do a little detour by the Rua Ceara…’

 

It was obvious that he was dying to ask me about this.

He asked me what I wanted to do at the Vila, and I said I was revisiting with the intention of doing some research for writing, and then I asked him if he had any stories he could share about it.

‘That place is Hell on Earth’, he said. ‘To me there are two kinds of whore: The ‘puta da vida’(whore of life) and the ‘puta de sangue’ (whore of blood). The puta ‘da vida’ is a woman who is forced into prostitution because she needs the money to live. As a taxi driver I know many women like this, who sell their bodies in order to feed their children. The puta ‘de sangue’ is in the business mainly because she likes the sex. These two types tend to behave differently, although a puta ‘da vida’ might get hooked on the perversion of the job and become a puta ‘de sangue’. A puta ‘da vida’ might lead more of a double life, behaving one way in the night but going back home to her normality, whereas the puta ‘de sangue’ is what she is.’

Wow‘, I thought, ‘this dude is being pretty direct…

I asked him if he had any suggestions for my research, saying that I wanted to reveal a bit more about the place, seeing as it is contradictorily poised between common knowledge and absolute secrecy, and the enormity of it swamps any trace of individual trajectories. He said that just from spending one night there I would barely scratch the surface, and suggested that a better course of action would be to spend several nights there, try and see if any of the girls stood out in particular, and make my way in more slowly. He warned me that I should never ever go there without male company, as men in there would see me as much of a sex object as the girls, and that I should never take any valuables with me. I asked him about the hostility I felt from the girls when I walked there before, and he told me competition is fierce between them, and they would wonder what the hell a well-presented little middle-class girl like me was doing there, and that they would envy me and I had to tread carefully.

 

He proceeded to tell me that the Vila Mimosa is the penultimate rung of the ladder in the life of a Rio prostitute. It is the place where women go when they have ugly faces or their bodies are no longer up to scratch, when they would no longer be accepted in the more ‘upmarket’ brothels in pretty much any other area in town. He told me that the last rung of the ladder in terms of prostitution zones is the Central do Brasil (or Central Station, for those of you who may have watched Fernando Meirelles movie starring Fernanda Montenegro), where women go when they are completely ‘gone’. In his opinion, the Vila is an interesting place to visit and have a few drinks but no man in his right mind would go there to have sex, that the occasional attractive woman who ended up in there never stayed long, and that he had personally never seen one he would have paid for. In spite of this, he related many friendships and even love coming out of the relationships between the women and their clients.

 

I asked him whether it was true that none of the girls in the Vila were minors, and he laughed. He said that there are girls as young as 12 in the Vila, girls who grew up on the street or who fell on hard times in one way or another. He said the pimps kept the younger looking ones upstairs and charged more for them. Fortunately(can I even call it that in these circumstances?) he confirmed the universal use of condoms. He told me I should write a book about the Vila Mimosa just from stories I could amass from Rio taxi drivers, and I thought that was a really good idea. I might just do that.

Suddenly, we were driving through Leblon, and the conversation changed directions slightly.

‘You know, as a taxi driver and a bouncer in Copacabana night clubs, I know a lot of ‘women of the night’ and I can generally spot one from a big distance. When I saw you hail my taxi I thought you looked like a well-to-do rich girl, but when you opened your mouth to speak…’

 

Cheeky fucker.

 

He dropped me off at Posto 9 and I thanked him for the chat, which was truly interesting and has given me loads more ideas about how to go about furthering my research, and he also highlighted the risks involved in it. Unfortunately, that evening a torrential rainstorm flooded and gridlocked most of Rio and I never made it to the Rua Ceara, so this remains a work in progress. Nevertheless, my curiosity is spiked and I will continue to keep digging at this den of iniquity at the bowels of the city until some more of its secrets are revealed to me.